I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
why is half of my head shaved?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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