my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
