i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
