what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
