Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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