did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
