Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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