For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
