I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
