So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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