I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
