Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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