fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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