Don't you send me to vm
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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