Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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