he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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