Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
