so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
