you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
