the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
