Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
