True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
