Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
