so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
