Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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