I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
