I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
