Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
