walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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