wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dicks are not precious.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
