How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
