No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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