she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
