Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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