I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
