thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
