You really coming over, don't trick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
