It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
