I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
