Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
