he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
