he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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