i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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