Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
