As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
