I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
