I cannot find my penis.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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