he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
