their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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