sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
