i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
