guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
