and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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