3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
