dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
